I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
