It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
