I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
