you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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