This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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