I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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