Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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