Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
