she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
