i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
