I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
