i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need a beard to bite.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
