Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
