Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
