Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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