I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize