That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
