and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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