I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
