OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
