i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
