Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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