Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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