I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize