I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize