Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she told me i tasted like america
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
