Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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