I wanna passion pit in your ass
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
