I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
