every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
