This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
