I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
