she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
