That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
