Screwed.edu
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
