No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ttyl tear gas
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
