if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
