In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
