Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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