Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
