he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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