Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize