you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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