Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
