If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
