I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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