Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
