how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
