she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
