at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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