We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
