I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
