i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
