imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
