Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
