i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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