Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
