so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
