Just mADE A PArabola og urine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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