apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
