Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
