Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
