Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
