Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
