How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
