Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
