Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
