i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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