He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
