Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
