apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
