Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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