just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
