I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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