I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
