Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
