The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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