She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
