he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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