Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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