My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the day after is always just damage control
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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