Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
