My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
