u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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