he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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