Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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