i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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