who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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