If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
