i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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