OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
