I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
