so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
