So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
