i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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