weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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