I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
