The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
