I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize