This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
