flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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