I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
