He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
