You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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