Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
even my farts smell like vagina
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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