didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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