there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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