At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
